Christians Don’t Fall in Love


Last updated on November 13th, 2019



Ah love. In popular culture you either fall in it or fall out of it. But I’m here to tell you today that the truth is, Christians don’t fall in love. Some of you reading this might say, “Wait a second! I’m a Christian, and I’ve fallen in love!” Well, while you may describe your personal emotional experience as falling in love, what I’m specifically telling you is that does not reflect the teachings and examples we have before us in scripture. Let’s consider the descriptions we’re given of love.

Many of you are probably familiar with the love passage in 1 Corinthians 13.Verse 4 through 7 states, “4Β Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5Β does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6Β does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Note that we have no description of love being a random emotional occurrence that you just somehow fall into. We have a list of character qualities that one must exemplify. Love is a choice made to exemplify these qualities to someone and it’s not on the basis of whether you feel it or don’t feel it.

Now as Christians, we’re called to love everyone as we love ourselves as Jesus stated being the second most important command in scripture behind loving God. Therefore as a male or female Christian, you are already to have love for all people regardless if they’re your biological family or not, or if you’re in a close relationship with them or not, or whatever. That’s my duty and your duty as an act of obedience to God. Certainly there is a stronger distinction of love on a husbands part that can be found in Ephesians 5:25-33. The level of love a man must choose to give to a woman that becomes his wife must be to the extent that Christ loved the church.

To say love is an intentional choice is not to discount that one does have physical attraction and admiration for someone that would lead them to want to have marriage love with a particular person. We have the case of Jacob and Rachel where Rachel was noted to have been beautiful in form and face, and right after that verse, it states Jacob loved her. It was somewhat similar when Abraham’s servant found a wife for Isaac in Rebekah. Her beauty is noted when the narration first introduces her to the story, and perhaps was what caught the servant’s initial attention to her potentially being a wife for Isaac. In the instance of Ruth and Boaz, Ruth made herself look nice before going to Boaz, but also did a kind act by laying at his feet and not at the feet of a younger man. He admired that in her and that set off the chain of events that eventually led to him acquiring all that belonged to Elimelech and taking Ruth as his wife.

So these variables can be what leads one to make a choice to want to choose someone as a spouse to love in the form of which is conducted in a marriage. But it’s not a magical random force of emotion that should be the indicator of your love of someone to the level of desiring them as your spouse. I stress the situation being about choosing a spouse, because I’ve shared with my long time readers my views on modern cultural dating in contrast to how people got married in scripture here. But in general, as followers of Christ living in obedience to God, we make the choice to love everyone around us in abiding in the scriptural instructions of how we treat people. After that choice, any desire of love to the level of forming a marriage is not something that comes from an unexplainable eventual emotional realization, but comes out of a choice one makes in a particular person they are attracted to and admire, as seemingly apparent by the examples we have in scripture.

As always, any thoughts or questions, feel free to share them with me and other readers for the sake of our collective elevation of knowledge in living as followers of Christ. If this post enlightened you in anyway, I would greatly appreciate if you shared this among your social media circle so others can be enlightened as well. Peace to all those who are in Christ.


6 thoughts on “Christians Don’t Fall in Love

  1. Christians are just normal people, no different to non-believers. We are all sinful and have all sorts of different types of passions and lusts, we all do mistakes, bad habits, weak memories, do wrong decisions too. And we do fall in love. I am sorry for you, if your heart has never been burnt by love towards your best part.
    I suggest you to learn Bible texts deeper as 1) your thoughts are just out of transnational contexts (google for “philia”, “agape”, and “eros”, you will learn a lot how they all are used in the Bible); 2) your thoughts are out of historical contexts: in different times, people had different attitude to a marriage (and wedding), sexual life and a role of a woman.
    P.S. Fact based truth is truth, but not Truth! πŸ˜‰

    1. Hi 18×18. Thank you for your comment. I agree that Christians are people just like everyone else. I agree that we are all sinful and have all sorts of different types of passions and lusts, mistakes, bad habits, weak memories, and wrong decisions as you say. As far as whether we fall in love, you and I merely have a subjective disagreement that we can have a thoughtful engaging discussion about, or politely agree to disagree. πŸ™‚

      To my knowledge, all the particular verses I cited in this post show love as translated from the Greek word agape, which is the love that I was alluding to in this post. To your second point, that’s a fair question to ask. What was specifically a product of a specific time period and a specific people, and what is still generally applicable. I would only say perhaps that just because cultural attitudes have changed doesn’t mean the general scriptural teachings directed to Christians aren’t still applicable. Is that the argument you’re making?

      Thank you again for your comment. If there’s something I’m not understanding, then please politely explain it to me so I can be better in my knowledge. I hope you understand that I’m just humbly trying to live as close to the teachings of scripture as possible in my beliefs, thoughts, and actions.

      Peace to you in Christ. πŸ™‚

      1. What makes us Christians?
        It is not something like – a believe in Christ and baptism;
        it is not a believe in Christ and being a good man;
        it is not a believe in Christ and not falling in love.

        It is a believe that Christ died for us, and this is it.

        All the rest are just human additions, sinking in own “wisdoms” and “understandings”: Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and *lean not unto thine own understanding* (Proverbs 3:5). Which you did, spending a lot of time thinking on how Christians love. Man, relax! Be a man, be yourself! Otherwise your human wisdom will become your own trap… There are lots of verses about it.

        It happened to me many times, my own understandings brought me to a shame and absence of peace in mind, just like the God’s word promises. I am thankful to Him that He allowed me to experience it so that I could admit: Abba, I was wrong before you. Has it ever happened to you?

        So, once again! – Proverbs 3:5

        1. Thanks for your response 18×18. For myself, I believe what Mark 16:16 and Acts 2:38 state with regards to salvation. I try to humbly do my best to trust in the Lord with all my heart through believing exactly what His Word states, and doing my best to exemplify the teachings in my character and actions. I certainly don’t always come to the best conclusions of things at first, with numerous times that I’ve changed my mind, but I always pray to God that I understand His Word the way He wants it to be understood. It’s my hope we as Christians are all trying to do same, and also that we’re communicating with each other on these topics, especially when we disagree, with the kindness and patience of love that all of us should exemplify as Christians to the world.

          Peace to you in Christ. πŸ™‚

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